After I swore off men for an eternity, for the eternity-ith time....*clears throat*....I jumped back on the bandwagon. And by bandwagon I mean Plenty of Fish. After trolling, as they say, the interwebs for someone less douchey than my recent ex (who thought the heart had one valve to pump sodium and one to pump potassium.....), I found this gorgeous blonde guy along the bottom of my screen. He wasn't a "match" or a "featured dude" or anyone that came up in my explicitly well thought out searches; he was just...there. And it didn't hurt that he had a full head of long gorgeous hair; it's my thing....one of my things.
Stephanie's "Things:"
Hair (and lots of it!)
Teeth (not perfect, but doesn't look like someone
took a baseball bat to ya!....that's why god invented braces)
Smile (yes, diff than teeth)
Lips (the fuller the better; good ole kissin' lips!)
Glasses help, but not a requirement
Hands (Big....big, MANLY, Clive Owen in Closer mitts!)
So anyway....I click on his picture and start researching my specimen. I then click back so I can read his profile after looking through his pictures. But I didn't press BACK. I pressed HOME. AND I LOST HIM!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
So I have to try and find him.....again. Fuck. And I do. Then I read his profile, but want to check out his pictures again. So I click back again. NOPE! Clicked fucking HOME.....A-GAIN!!!! I had to search for him 3-4 times before I messaged him. At that, all I sent was:
"You're SO young!"
Because, of course, I was turning 30 and he was turning 26 and when you're in your twenties EVERY YEAR COUNTS! Especially when he's a younger man....it's pretty true that men mature slower than women and, well, having a kid at 17 REALLY ages ya! So I was worried. But, nonetheless, we messaged, exchanged numbers, texted, and (unlike most men) he called me when he could. We texted while we were at work and chatted here and there after. We were SO excited to meet each other, but, unfortunately for us, it was not only St. Patrick's Day weekend, but also his AND his brother's birthday weekend; wtf? So we put off our first date until Sunday....so....here's the date. Well, almost.
I was dog-sitting for a friend whilst he was out enjoying St. Patty's....I text him when I get home from my sitting-duties and say, "Sooo, I'm going to look different tomorrow." And I'm sure he was thinking that I cut or dyed my hair. NOPE! I type, "I got bit on the face by a dog." He responded with some wtf or omg or something of the "shocked" value, but then, like the man he is asked, "Can I see?" So I sent him a picture. The HUGE DOG got scared when I flipped my hair back, or was trying to bite at it, whatever, and ripped a CHUNK of my skin off of my lower cheek. It kept bleeding and even when I thought it stopped it started oozing; great! I could barely talk it hurt so much. Couldn't eat. Was excruciating to laugh!
First Date Time
And I rarely, literally less than a 1% chance, have someone come to my house on a first date, but turns out he was hung-the-fuck-over from the festivities and, well, a dog just tore a chunk of skin off of my face so I was like, "Fuck it. The dog started it, he can finish it. I've lived a good.....enough....life if he turns out to be a murderer!" From then we just sat around all day into the night talking, the best I could, and watching movies, and even went to cuddling...oh, and I think he brought Panera? We even kissed that day. But they best part, and I'll never forget how cute he was, was that he KEPT apologizing for being so....worthless...hungover...out of it....boring? I don't remember the term(s) he used, but it was cute. Especially because each time he'd apologize I'd point to my cheek/chinish area and say, "Dog. Ate my face. You're good" or "You think I could be out somewhere right now?" or "Dude, look at my face, you're good!" When he'd kiss me he kept accidentally cupping my face....right where I was bitten....and I'd grab his hand quickly as gasp. He'd apologize every time. Not only didn't he make a big deal about it, but I really felt like he didn't notice it. And....sadly....2.5 months later....the scar is still there *sigh* but he never says anything about it. It's all me; bitching about how well and how fast it WAS healing and how it's like it just stopped. He just responds with, "You'll probably have it for a few years before it fades." And all I can think is how SO MANY of our pictures are going to have this STUPID scar! Right on my face! Not just birthdays and holidays, but even my graduation. BOO! But, much like the scar, I still have him too.
